Don't push me

So here I go again, trying to figure out what's gonna happen if I continue to assume that it's okay to be away from my kids to work as a call center agent. I have worked as a Nurse for 6 months. And this is my first time to work as a call center representative. To tell you frankly, when I was submitting my resume online I was not really thinking! I didn't even think that I needed preparation before I start to train or work. I have been with my kids from day one, and I understand how sad they would be If I started working. All of them can't sleep without me. Rye who's turning 9 this year won't be able to sleep without me or his Dada. Seo who kept asking me: "Who's gonna take care of me?" when he sees me dressing up for work , and Ali my 6 month old princess cries when she sees me dressing up and putting on my make up. How in the world can I disregard and ignore those feelings? Feelings that are so innocent and pristine!

It really pains me hearing these things from them. It's like a guilt feeling. And what am I suppose to do? For the past 3 weeks of being a call center representative, I learned the good and bad things. GOOD: Yes, it pays good, I'm on wave 1 which means there'll be lots of opportunities for us, friends.  BAD: The longest sleep I had was 5 hours, I commute for an hour, I sleep inside the jeepney and most of the time lumalagpas ako sa dapat kong babaan, I take too much caffeine, and worst just to keep me awake.. I addeed nicotine into my system again, also I always get sick! 

If only there's a suitable job for me that would entail a dayshift job or a less stress environment. I really need to be enlightened. I still want to give it a try, may be a month or two. Maybe then my system would adjust.